Ankit, I think it was interesting that you used eight very
different and yet similar pictures as your chosen photo. I think they work very
well for your essay. I think you did a good job in describing your feelings and
the event especially when you talked about your emotions. Although, I think
that you could put the picture somewhere in your essay. You could leave it at
the end but you could also put it in between a paragraph somewhere while you’re
talking about it. I like how you put in a lot of detail within the effort you
put in towards your passion, it is clear and emotional. I also like how you talked about each
individual picture within the eight pictures and how they are different from
each other. Although, I think you could add in some more sensory details, maybe
like the smell of the auditorium or something like that.
Emily
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